Slide 1
Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.
Proverbs 25:28
Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.
Proverbs 16:32

Slide 2
“The eagle complains not of her wings, nor the peacock of her train of feathers, nor the nightingale of her voice—because these are natural to them. No more should saints complain of their temptations, because they are natural to them. Our whole life, says Augustine, is nothing but a temptation; the best men have been the worst tempted.” -Thomas Brooks
Slide 3
Listen, my son, and be wise, and set your heart on the right path: Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags. Proverbs 23:19-21

Slide 4
The Bible says we have a “fallen nature” which means, if we don’t learn to control ourselves, we will become victims of ourselves

Slide 5
– Indulgence threatens freedom
– Bad habits corrupt freedom
– Addictions destroy freedom

Slide 6
A Life that is out of General Control Will Have No Specific Control

Slide 7
– Self-control is scientific
– There is a way of life that sets us up for success, and a way of life that sets us up for failure

Slide 8
– A good night’s sleep
– Physical exercise actually creates new neurons in the brain (Neurogenesis)
– Prayer and meditation (worship)
– Bible study
– Healthy Relationships

Slide 9
– Chronically being late and rushing to catch up drains you
– Interpersonal conflict
– Poor eating habits

Slide 10
– A life that is out of general control has no specific control
– Don’t focus on the sin; focus on the life that sets you up to sin

Slide 11
Trade in Will Power for Wisdom Power
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
Romans 12:2

Slide 12
Dr. Mark Hyman—”the power of micro habits”
“Most people don’t realize how close they are to feeling better”

Slide 13
A LITTLE self-control can produce BIG changes

Slide 14
“Virtue is what happens when someone has made a thousand small choices requiring effort and concentration to do something which is good and right, but which doesn’t come naturally. And then, on the thousand and first time, when it really matters, they find that they do what’s required automatically. Virtue is what happens when wise and courageous choices become second nature.” -N.T. Wright

Slide 15
V. 23
“for drunkards and gluttons become poor,
and drowsiness clothes them in rags”

Slide 16
“Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul”
1 Peter 2:11

Slide 17
– The Proverbs were true BEFORE Christ, but they are still useful AFTER Christ
– The Proverbs are about thriving in this life, not about getting into heaven

Slide 18
Self-control is NOT self-salvation

Slide 19
“In the school of temptation, God gives his children the greatest experience of his power supporting them, of his word comforting them, of his mercy warming them, of his wisdom counseling them, of his faithfulness giving them joy, and of his grace strengthening them.” -Thomas Brooks

We’ve had some awesome interns here. We don’t want to give them back, but we have to. But it’s been great. Hey, it was 1997. I was a full-time writer trying to stave off bankruptcy. It was a couple years before sacred marriage would come out. And so I would work with other Christian celebrities to help them write their books. And so one late Sunday evening, there was a knock on the door, which surprises people didn’t use. Usually visit us late on Sunday. There’s a middle-aged man there. We had this tiny little rundown rental that we could barely afford. And he said, I’d like to speak to Gary Thomas, please. I said, I’m Gary Thomas. I could immediately see the disappointment on his face. He was expecting somebody with more gravitas, somebody who’s older, somebody who looked more important. I didn’t understand what was going on. He said, well, I serve papers all over.

Never serve something like this. But here you go. And I opened up the manila envelope and realized why he was so surprised because it said, you are commanded to appear. In the case of Paula Corbin Jones versus William Jefferson Clinton. Paula Jones was a Arkansas State employee who was suing President Clinton for when he was a governor for sexual harassment. She alleged that he propositioned her after some state patrol called her to go to a private room and that he exposed himself to her. She was appalled that some people thought it was consensual, that she had anything to do with it. So she just wanted an apology and an acknowledgement that she had nothing to do with it. Clinton would ultimately settle. I think they paid $850,000 or something to settle. But what made it more significant is it was in the discovery of that case that they uncovered the whole mess with Monica Lewinsky and the infamous blue dress.

If there had been no Paula Jones lawsuit, there would’ve been no Monica Lewinsky discovery. There would’ve been no votes on impeachment. That pretty much torpedoed the second term of President Clinton. I had to go down to give the deposition because I’d never met Paul. I’d never met Bill Clinton, but her spokesperson, Susan Carpenter McMillan had approached me. Some people told her, Gary writes books with these people, wanted to know if I was interested in possibly doing a book with Paula Jones. I never did, but we’d worked out what it might look like if there was, and they had heard wind of it and they wanted to depose me. So they sent some lawyers in from Washington, DC representing Clinton Paula Jones. Attorneys came from Little Rock. I had to go down to Seattle with the offices of Perkins Cooey. And it was a world I’d never known before. I was like a country bumpkin coming into this lavish, ostentatious law office. I’d never done anything like this. And then started to depose me. And at first, Clinton’s lawyers were pretty genial. He said, have you ever been deposed before? I said, no, but I’ve read every

John Grisha novel, so I feel like I’ve been prepared. He laughed. And I said, have you read John Grisha? He goes, oh, every one. And here’s where I lost his favor. I said, well, did you notice how at the end of John Grisham’s novels, so many of them, the lawyers find redemption by leaving the legal profession? He didn’t think that was so funny and presided to go to war against me for two hours, and I knew nothing about it. But as things unfolded even more in the months that followed in the impeachment proceedings and all of that, I thought what a five minute lapse of self-control. And then in other elements of Bill Clinton’s life had cost him. He had worked so hard and really ran a rather impressive campaign to come from the governor of a very small state to become president. And everybody I met talked about how gifted he was.

I know a man that Bill Clinton met at a dinner with so many other people, talked to him for just a minute or two. 15 years later, bill Clinton saw him at a gathering, went up and called him by his first name. He was so gifted at that, but his second term, because this aspect of his life wasn’t under control, pretty much undercut what he believed he was born to do. Solomon could have predicted this Solomon who had more money and power than any US President who has ever lived, tells us in the book of Proverbs as we wrap up our series, wisdom in for Dummies. Proverbs 25 28, like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control. You could live in the White House with the Secret Service all around you, but if you don’t have self-control, you are not secure.

Another proverb, 1632, better a patient person than a warrior one with self-control than one who takes a city that was written in a time where might makes right mighty armies were everything. It was a barbaric society. And Solomon is saying it’s better to be spiritually strong than physically strong. And that’s true for all of us because of our fallen human condition, our success in life will largely determine, be determined by self-control. Thomas Brooks or Puritan said this, the eagle complaints not of her wings, nor the peacock of her train of feathers, nor the knight and Gil of her voice, because these are natural to them. No more should saints complain of their temptations because they are natural to them. Our whole life says Augustine is nothing but a temptation. The best men have been the worst tempted. And if that surprises you, we can go back to Jesus who himself was tempted.

What does this tell us? Well, the precarious situation is this. There is nobody in this room. There is nobody who is watching us online for whom their life won’t be enhanced by self-control or perhaps ruined by a lack of it. Your dreams, your family, your hopes can be crushed if we don’t learn to exhibit self-control. Now, when I’m assigned to preach on self-control, where I get nervous, it sounds like a hard phrase, like a bunch of shoulds who wants to live with a bunch of shoulds. I want you to think of self-control in an entirely different light. Think of self-control as being kind to yourself. The more you grow in self-control, the kinder you can be to yourself. Why little self-control creates much heartache. The more self-control you have, the more you can save yourself from much heartache. If Clinton could go back now looking at his life ’cause he’s in the later stages of life and say, what is one skill I wish I had?

I was a great politician, I was intellectual. I could run a lot of numbers, but if he could have a little self-control in that area, if he could just walk by Paula Jones rather than try to send a state patrol officer out, do you think he might say, yeah, I think my life would’ve been better if in the midst of amassing political power, I could have built up a little personal power here. That’s why I say growing in self-control is being kind to yourself. It’s an early warning system that can save you for much heartache. It can resolve it it can help you in your relationships. I’ve just, I’ve spoken to and listened to tons of recovering addicts and, and the the thing I hear, it doesn’t matter what the re addiction is, how much joy they have in their life when they gain freedom back through self-control, the addiction robbed them of freedom.

And now they don’t just say their life is better. They say it’s so much better. Talk to people in our regen ministry, why are they willing to put in the hard work? Because they know it gives them a much better life. And the main difference is now they have self-control. When they lost it, their life was falling apart, putting it back in. And they live almost an entirely different kind of life. Which is why I say self-control is learning to love yourself. Look, we, we know this. I think it’s self-evident. If you are active and watch how you eat, you feel better, don’t you? I I I don’t need to argue this. If you’ve ever gotten into a little bit better shape or let yourself get outta shape and you say, well, I wanna move a little bit more, I want to think about what I eat, it’s self, we just feel better when we do it.

If you’ve gotten into a financial mess because of a lack of self-control, I’m not talking about those of you maybe had hospital bills or something that was set on you, but you just consistently spent more than you earned. And now your credit cards are maxed out, your mortgage is due. You don’t know how you’re gonna pay it. You’ve got bill collectors calling. If you could just look at the stress, a lack of self-control is poured into your life. The fear, every time you pull out that credit card, it’s is it gonna get rejected? Is it gonna go through? Are we gonna make the payment? And then you look forward two or three years and you apply self-control and let’s say your debts are paid off and you’ve got three to six months of a rainy day fund. The security you feel, the peace you feel, you realize that’s being kind to myself.

I don’t wanna live like I did before, assaulted by fear and concerns and worries with self-control. Now I can have the sense that there is margin in my life. It’s being kind to yourself to take you away from that situation. And that’s what Solomon says in the last proverb. We’ll look at Proverbs 23, 19 through 21. He le warns of a lack of self-control that can lead to our ruin, not through actions, but really substance problems. Here he says, listen, my son and be wise, set your heart on the right path. Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat for drunkards and gluttons become poor and drowsiness will clothe them in rags. Now it’s interesting, these two things. He says, don’t gorge on too much meat. Don’t drink too much wine elsewhere in scripture. Both of those things are celebrated.

Wine is celebrated at points in scripture. There are more talks of feasts in the Bible that would include meat rather than fast. And so it’s not saying you can’t enjoy the good things of life, it’s too much without self-control of the good things can wreck us. I had a funny conversation this past week with three young women. They were great friends, but they talked about how they can’t go out to eat together. I said, well, why not if you’re such good friends? She goes, well, this friend is gluten-free, that friend’s a vegetarian and I like food that tastes good so they can go out for coffee. They just can’t have meals together. So when is self-control needed? If these things are permissible, self-control is needed. When the pleasure is something that we must show submission to, no longer do we control the pleasure, the pleasure controls us.

The entire difference is whether we have self-control. If we have to show submission to it now it becomes a problem in our life instead of a blessing. My, my family and I got to live 13 years with one of the sweetest creatures God ever created is our golden retriever named Amber. But you know how there are alpha dogs and beta dogs? Amber was a zeta dog. She would show submission to a leaf if it was quivering in the wind. You know, she’s 60 pounds. And, and one time we’re coming up to this little chihuahua, this sort of looked like, you know, those dish regs in the kitchen that they dry out. You know, that’s sort of what this chihuahua looked like. And Amber showed submission to the Chihuahua. And I’m like, sweet, you can’t do that. I said, I picked up bowel movements of yours that are bigger than this dog.

How have some self-respect. But, but Amber couldn’t help it if something challenged her at all. She’s down there, she’s showing submission. And the reality is, all of us have these vulnerabilities. We have these weaknesses. We have these pleasures that get control of us. And without self-control, it shows itself and we just automatically show submission to it. We’ve lost self-control. And now what could be a blessing from God has become a problem. And this is why it’s such a universal problem. Let’s be honest, we’re honest here. Jerry Ills, every one of us has a fallen nature. I have a fallen nature. You have a fallen nature. We’re vulnerable to different things and different temptations. But because the Bible tells us everyone has a fallen nature, if we don’t learn to control ourselves, if we don’t learn self-control, we will be, become victims of ourselves. We will victimize and we will self-sabotage our own lives.

And the very pleasures with which God would bless us can begin to feel like prisons. And so self-control helps us enjoy the best things in life without being harmed in them. Although there are also things that I I I think we could extend from Proverbs that they’re not appropriate to experience. And certainly Colorado has its share of those non medicinal drugs, reckless span spending or or gambling. The thing it does, it turns us into selfish narcissists. I I I’ve seen it. We, we, we live for it. We will sell our souls. We’ll send ourselves, spend ourselves into debt. We will betray our closest loved ones. We will wreck our health to get that pleasure met. And we can only think about ourselves. I’ve written this before, that you can cherish your spouse or you can cherish an addiction. You can’t cherish both. ’cause Addictions soak up our energy, they soak up our focus.

We just don’t have enough emotional capital left over to service an addiction and learn to cherish our spouse. On the other hand, this is what I love about self-control. It allows me to give the best version of myself to the world. Now, I’m not all that, but I wanna give at least the best of what I can be to the world. So when I have self-control, I can respond with patience instead of anger. I can bless people instead of blast people. I I can control my words so I don’t wound my family. Harvey talked about this weeks ago. While our family can forgive us for words uttered in anger, I, I’m just telling you, as a pastor who’s talked to a lot of people, I I talk to people, they are so raw over something terrible. A spouse said to them or something a parent said to them decades ago, they can forgive those words.

They will never forget those words. And, and not only can I avoid doing harm to my family, I can get, I can bless them with that. The, the men went through the glorious pursuit in a study, this thing, it’s a book I wrote on practicing the virtues. And when I introduced it, I said, I wanna make this clear. We don’t practice the virtues to get into heaven. I practice the virtues so that my wife’s life doesn’t feel like hell. Isn’t it true that our family faces the worst assault of our unsanctified moments, our worst vices kids things you can say to your parents, parents, things you can say to your kids, things we can say or do to our spouses. We might be forgiven, but without control over those impulses. We can’t give the best version of ourself to them. But when you do bring in self-control, this is what’s so wonderful.

When I’m self-controlled with money, now I have money to give. Instead of it being a source of stress, it’s a source of blessing. When I’m self controlled with what I eat or whether I’m active, I have energy to give. I can be more focused, I can work longer, I can serve God harder. When I’m self controlled over mind bending substances, I have a clear mind to give. When people approach me, I can pray, I can encourage, I can hear God say, look, so and so needs a phone call. Why don’t you call them right now? It allows me to give the best version of myself to others. Now I know in a sermon like this, I’ve been thinking about this all week, particularly with younger Christians. When a pastor starts calling out these sins and that sin and that what they’re like, don’t steal my freedom.

It’s for freedom’s sake that Christ set me free. We don’t wanna get into legalism. And you are right to fear legalism. That’s not our salvation. But if you value freedom, as you say, you have to recognize it’s not just legalism that takes away our freedom, its indulgence experience. And scripture teaches us that indulgence will threaten your freedom. Bad habits will corrupt your freedom and addictions will destroy your freedom. You can lose freedom on either side. And that’s what the writer of Proverbs is reminding us. So I wanna talk about two general strategies. How do we build a life of self-control? It’s amazing the science that is being done on recovery and self-control. We, we are blessed about all generations. It’s just really in the last generation. We understand how our brain works and how we can apply that for healthy living. And one of the first things I want to talk about is that a life without that is out of general control, will have no specific control.

We often focus as Christians on the point of temptation. Wisdom would call us to take a step back that if your life doesn’t have general control, you won’t have specific control. My daughter sent me an article a number of years ago. I thought it was fascinating. And it was asking it, it was talking about how our culture glorifies women’s love affair with wine and, and women celebrate it and they laugh about it. And, but what it’s really saying is why will women tolerate lives that are so out of control, so filled with pressure, so filled with having to meet this need and that need and whatnot, that instead of saying we need to change these lives, they just celebrate the way they cope, which is with wine. And we even make it funny. These are funny shirts, but they’re kind of sad when you think about it.

Here’s, you can buy these shirts. I’m not recommending that you do, but they’re there. I didn’t make these up a day without wine is like, just kidding. I have no idea. This one was clever. Corks are for quitters. I make wine disappear. What’s your superpower? Or wine is my love language. Not sure what Gary Chapman would think about that. Rather than rail at you as a pastor against that, I just wanna say, just take a step back. Is it kind to yourself to run yourself so ragged, to not put up boundaries with your family or friends or your boss or your coworkers. So that you just go, go, go, push, push, push till you get to the end of the day and say, the only thing that will keep me sane is if I open that cork and I don’t stop until the bottle is empty.

Corks are for quitters. Finally I can put myself in a stupor and do it all again. The next way is that loving yourself is that being kind to yourself. And while we laugh at it, the statistics are so alarming. Between eight to 9% of American adult women are alcohol dependent. That’s 12 million people talking about women here. I’m not adding in numbers for men. And again, it’s not like I’m railing. How could you, I’m like, is this the kind of life you wanna live where you’re set up, where self-control becomes almost impossible because of the general life you’re living? Doesn’t it make you wanna reevaluate your life? Self-Control then is scientific. There is a way of life that sets us up for success. And there’s a way of life that sets us up for failure. So self-control isn’t primarily about the point of temptation. It’s about what leads up to it.

Again, we, we just know this from studying the brain. Here are a number of things that will help you live a life of self-control. It begins with a good night’s sleep. We know this. You have a good night’s sleep, you’re gonna have more self-control. The next day. Physical exercise actually creates new neurons. It’s a process called neurogenesis. It’s good for every aspect of life. Prayer and meditation are key. Connecting with God. I would add worship to that Bible study. So we’re filling our minds with the truth. And I think one of the biggest things is healthy relationships. Every recovery program says relationships are essential to work our way out of addictions. And I believe healthy relationships are essential to not fall into an addiction. Healthy relationships are one of the most essential things we do in life. But here’s some things that will make you have less self-control.

And I don’t have time to go into all of them, but I’m just trying to give examples. One chronically running late. So you’re always behind and you’re rushing through the day to get to appointment, to appointment or appointment. It makes you feel weaker. It makes you feel rushed. You’ll have less self-control when you do that interpersonal conflict. Just as healthy relationships build it. Selfcontrol unhealthy relationships destroy your self-control. If you are fighting with people online all day long, I know in the evening you’re not fighting temptation. You are giving into it. And this last point, I feel a little bit like a hypocrite, but I just want to honor my wife because it’s true. Poor eating habits destroy self-control. There was a Stanford study by Wright and carrying that found people who ate a lot of refined sugars and processed grains for the next several hours would have much less self-control.

So there’s more we could say, but the general truth is this, a life that has no general control won’t have specific control. So instead of always focusing on the sin at the point of temptation, which Kurt talked about last week, focus on the life that sets you up to sin. So women, if your challenge is in alcohol, maybe it’s losing your temper with your family. Maybe it’s setting up boundaries so that when your husband comes home, say, honey, look, I I gotta go out and get a mani-pedi. And he looks at your, your nails look fine. And you say, well honey, it’s not about the nails. It’s about the fact that I don’t like you very much and I’m not that crazy about the kids right now. And I need somebody to pamper me so that I can come back and pamper you. By the way, we’re out diapers, but there are paper towels and masking tape in the pantry.

I’m sure you’ll figure something out by. And and before you lose your top, you just say, I I i just, I just gotta do this. And guys, you may have to do this sometimes coming home. You can’t do this every week. But if your boss has been at you, you’ve been driving all day and you know, I don’t think it’s safe for me to go home. Just be honest and call your wife. Look, I I I need 30 minutes at Topgolf. I I need to hit some 300 yard drive. Well I need to hit some 185 yard drives. ’cause I I don’t, I don’t wanna hit you. I’m speaking metaphorically. I I don’t wanna speak short. I need to get this stress under control. It’s looking at, am I cutting sleep? Am I not eating well? Am I not taking care of my body? Do I not have general control of my life?

Because if you don’t, you won’t have specific control when temptation hits. The second thing that is true, and this really kind of wrapping up the whole series and Kurt did a great job talking about this last week. If you miss this last week, please go back and listen. We need to trade in willpower and focus on wisdom. Power. For most of my Christian life, I focused on willpower. I’m not gonna do this. I will do this. And Kurt explained how last week, willpower is a muscle that gets weaker. Just like when you lift weights, you reach a point of failure. You can’t keep lifting. We only have so many nos in us. If you rely on willpower, you won’t have much self-control. Proverbs talks about wisdom, power, and the New Testament. Romans 12, two says this, don’t conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by, read the next part with me.

The renewing of your mind. It’s saying, okay, I need to learn how to think through these issues in my life. Instead of just trying to will my way through. I want to think my way through ’em. It all goes back to neuroplasticity. We, we understand this scientifically. Now, the way our brain shaped what feeds addictions. When your brain has found relief because you’ve experienced shame, fear, guilt, boredom, whatever it is. And if you’ve gone to a place that isn’t healthy, whenever that trigger presents itself, your brain says, I want that. Even if it’s destroying you. In fact, your brain will say, I need that. Kurt even talked about this at communion. Last one. Have you ever driven home from worker church? And you pull into the driveway and you realize you didn’t make a single conscious decision the whole way home. And it’s almost scary.

It’s like you’re on autopilot. That’s neuroplasticity. ’cause Your brain doesn’t process going home when it’s familiar as right on Franklin left on Jefferson, right on abs, it’s go home. It’s one thing. And that’s how your brain works with addictions. When you found a way to go home to find relief, as soon as you find the stressor, your brain says, boom, let’s go there. But the same process that encase you in an addiction can liberate you when you apply wisdom, power instead of willpower. How many of you have learned to play an instrument you ever learned to play an instrument? Raise your hand if you, okay, let’s say you’re playing the flute. I’ve never played the flute. But when you are, you know what you’re having to think. When you’re first learning to play, you look at the note and you have to remember, okay, where do my fingers go for an A sharp, a B flat or a C?

You have to think about it. You keep practicing and what happens? Your fingers go there automatically. You don’t think that neuroplasticity process has shaped your brain. You see the note, boom, your fingers go there. So the same thing that makes your brain cry out for addictions can create beautiful music if you train it to respond in a healthy way instead of an unhealthy way. Now we learned that before. We’re not gonna go there that time. This time we’re gonna create music. In other words, Proverbs is telling us, study your brains and train your brains. Learn to think through these temptations instead of just try to wheel your way through them. I I like to go to wash park at least once a week to run. When it’s a day. I don’t have to get into work early or something and I’ll run on the outside.

If you’ve ever done that, it’s about a two and a half mile loop. And when I first started running there three years ago, when you’re on Downing Street, you cross this little concrete bridge over the ditch. The tennis courts are on the right and about 15 yards after the bridge. You, you might not notice it, but there’s this root that’s kind of sticking up just a little bit. Not a lot. You have to look for it, but it’s there. This is the root that’s sticking up. Well, one of the first times I was running that trail, I can shuffle. I caught my foot on it and I, I fell and it was a crowded day. And when a guy my age that looks like me falls, everybody panics. We gotta call an ambulance, we gotta do chest compression. I mean I was bleeding, they were being kind.

But I’m like, no, I’m fine. And I I I finished the loop. I have never fallen or tripped there again. And I never will. Why? ’cause I know it’s there. I’m hit Downey Street, I cross that bridge. I see the tennis court, Gary 15 yards on the right. There’s the route. I look for it every time. That’s what made me trip once it got me bloody once. It won’t make me trip again ’cause I know it’s there. So self-control, wisdom, power is thinking through what led to this fall, what bloodied me up last time? How can I think through to avoid it? What do I do? And so Joe Dallas talks about distinguishing between what we crave and what we want. C cravings want immediate release. I need this right now. Say no, this is what I want. I wanna feel better. And in my case, a donut is gonna make me feel better or I could run four miles to work it off or I could just call it a wash.

But it’s thinking through instead of automatically going home, so to speak. I’m using wisdom power to consider it. And here’s a great thing that recovery science tells us. Most cravings will pass in 20 minutes. If you engage yourself in something else, it’ll be strong for about 20 minutes. But if you can hold out for 20 minutes getting involved in something positive, the craving really begins to die. Now, every pastor outs himself. I’ve mentioned I’m a sugar addict that I’ve fought with my, my whole life. And the problem with being at a church is that people dump all these sweets in the kitchen that you go by. And particularly when somebody goes to Hawaii and they get those chocolate covered macadamia nuts. You know what I’m talking about When you’re a sugar addict, that’s like crack to a sugar addict. And and the problem with those, did you know macadamia nuts have more fat and calories than any other nut?

See that’s why we cover them in chocolate. It’s sort of the American way. How do you make it worse? We’ll fry it, wrap it in bacon and and do something else. But I know if I go by there and I’m like, you know what? 20 minutes Gary, go take some phone calls, study this or that nut, particularly in that kitchen, it’s gonna be gone in about 20 minutes. Now I’m not saying you can’t occasionally have a donut or occasionally have a chocolate covered macadamia nut. But it’s just thinking through the implications. What have I had today? What do I need? And if I know it’s not appropriate, what activity can I engage in to make the craving less? My wife loves to follow Dr. Mark Hyman. He writes a lot of health blogs and podcasts. He had one podcast that fascinated me. It’s called The Power of Micro Habits.

And I love that phrase, micro habits. He says, people think, oh, I’m outta shape. There’s nothing I can do. My finances are a mess. There’s nothing I can do. He says A lot of little steps will take us in a big way with some he just removes soda or you take 10 minutes of a walk after a meal. And here’s what he said, I love this. Most people don’t realize how close they are to feeling better. Most people don’t realize how close they are to feeling better with these little micro habits. Why a little self-control can produce big changes. You don’t have to change everything neuroplasticity, you’re just shaping your brain. But it begins with the mind, not just with the will. And I think as a Christian reading twelves 12 two, what that means is I don’t focus on avoiding the bad. I wanna focus on doing something that’s good.

If I know the craving is 20 minutes, what good can I do when temptation shows its face? I worked with a guy one time, his wife worked later than he did and he would get home earlier and his challenge was he would be looking at things on the internet he shouldn’t be looking at. And he kept trying and he was stumbling. I said, well let’s talk about this. I go, if your wife’s getting home, like say an hour after you do what one of your wife’s, what chores does your wife do? He goes, well she mows the lawn. I’m like, dude, you’re a guy. <Laugh>, why is your wife mowing the lawn? See, this is why Cherry Hills has Brian and Brett do the counseling ’cause my prejudices leak out. Maybe it’s a generational thing. I don’t get a guy watching his wife mow the lawn but not slamming your marriage if you do that.

But anyway, I said, great, you go mow the lawn for your wife. You’re tempted to do something bad that would make her feel betrayed and hurt and she’s gonna come home and you’ve done something good. And then if you’ve already done that, then you go out and you get her some flowers, you write her a note, you start dinner. I want you to use every point of temptation to say, alright, I’m gonna do something to bless my wife instead of betray my wife. He said it worked amazingly well because after that 20 or 30 minutes, then the craving is gone. And then his wife is surprised that she has a husband who’s serving her instead of his addiction. So don’t remain in limbo, say Satan, fine, you can tempt me, but then I’m gonna listen to a podcast. I’m gonna listen to a sermon. I’m gonna put on worship tape.

I’m gonna call a friend, see how they’re doing. I’m gonna go serve that person. You can do all you want. But when you tempt me, I have two goals. I wanna become more loving to others and I wanna become wiser. I’m gonna use wisdom, power, not just willpower. And that’s why wisdom power gets stronger and stronger when willpower gets weaker and weaker. If you look at the book of Proverbs, honestly, it’s just saying do this and not that. It says this way of life leads you to ruin. This way of life will bless you. Like those old books that talk about food, you focus on do this instead of that. Here’s what NT writes said. Virtue is what happens when someone has made a thousand small choices requiring effort and concentration to do something which is good and right, but which doesn’t come naturally. You have to think your way through.

But when you do that on the thousand and first time when it really matters, they find that they do what’s required automatically. Virtue is what happens when wise and courageous choices become second nature. Now here I wanna wrap up this entire series with some incredible news. The proverbs were relevant to people 3000 years ago when they were written. They are different for us because we read them through the lens of Christ and and when we put the gospel of Christ through, when we put the proverbs rather through the gospel of Christ, they become so glorious and powerful. They make us worship and thank God even more. They were true before Christ came, but they have equal truth and power after Christ. Why? The Proverbs are about thriving in this life, but they’re not about getting into heaven. Jesus is about securing our eternal destiny because of what he’s done.

So they’re still valuable, they’re just not ultimate. And here’s where we can worship Jesus. A lack of self-control won’t send you to hell because of Jesus. It might send you to bankruptcy, it might send you to divorce court. It might send you to the hospital, but it won’t send you to hell because Jesus has forgiven us and made provision for our sin and our lack of self-control. But I don’t want us to look at this series and forget self-control is not self salvation. They’re wise, they’re helpful, it’s good to follow them, but it’s not the way to salvation. I talked with the counselor who was dealing with the guy and it doesn’t matter what the guy was dealing with ’cause it’s true of anyone. The guy had a sobriety date, which can be helpful for recovery. But he determined he thought his favor with God, his holiness was based on his recovery date.

If it had been six months or sobriety date, I’m sorry, if it had been six months, he felt like he was doing well. If it had been six days, he’s walking with his head down. And while sobriety dates have a place you are not righteous because of what you’ve done six days ago or six months we’re righteous because of what Jesus did 2000 years ago. Alright? So these are a way to have a great life, but it’s not about our salvation. Why is that so important? Now? Self-control doesn’t become a bunch of ugly shoulds. It becomes a battle not to please God, but where God serves us, that draws us with God. Like two people in a war that become close ’cause they’re fighting the battle together. That’s what happens here, because not only do we have the forgiveness of Christ that gives us joy, Jesus says, if you accept me, I’ll send you the Holy Spirit.

And the Holy Spirit says the fruit of the spirit in Galatians is self-control. And so you felt like you were fighting your battle with maybe a peace shooter and Jesus put you in a tank, Satan, you’re gonna attack me. Here’s a tank. I’m gonna blow his head off. You’re not alone. And it creates a sense of intimacy with God. I love what Thomas Brooks wrote, the In the School of Temptation. God gives his children the greatest experience of his power, supporting them of his word, comforting them of his mercy, warming them of his wisdom, counseling them, of his faithfulness, giving them joy and of his grace, strengthening them. I would feel obliterated and foolish and humiliated trying to follow Proverbs. If I didn’t have Jesus, if I didn’t have the Holy Spirit with all the promises of Jesus, it’s a great invitation. It’s something I can have a new life because of what Jesus has done, not because of myself effort.

And can, can I just say something here? I, I gotta wrap this up, but I know we have the interns going back to college. I know there’s some young people. It’s August, you’ll be going back to college maybe in a couple weeks. I, I promise you, college can be such a fun place, but it can be a miserable place if you don’t have self-control. You might wanna re-listen to this for some friends and talk about it. How you feel in June about this college year will be in large part, there will be a one-to-one equivalent between whether you exercise self-control with self-control. The freedom and pleasures of college can be incredible. Without it, you’re gonna, you can have a lot of regrets and kind of slink home in June or July, but for all of us, our lives will be enhanced immeasurably by self-control. If you don’t know Christ, your first

Step is not to try harder. Science is helpful, but you will lack the power. I’m gonna invite you to go to Trailhead, which is on my left, your right, and say, I, I need to meet Jesus. I need this Holy Spirit so that I can live in a world with many good pleasures, but with self-control, so that I can be blessed by them and not ruined by them. Let’s pray. Father, I thank you for the way you set this up. You gave such great wisdom through the ages, and then you sent your son and your spirit so that the wisdom could be realized that while none of us will live up to what the Proverbs call us to do, we live with grace and joy and just being companions with you as we face these challenges. Lord, I just pray that you would help those who feel like they’re on a the wrong track, maybe getting into regen, maybe talking to others, the Lord, that they would be determined to love themselves by experiencing self-control. In Jesus name we pray, amen.