Good morning. It is so good to be with you all this morning. I found out a few minutes ago that Mother’s Day is the highest attended, one of the highest attended services of the year, which means there’s the highest number of fathers here today, which makes me think that Pastor Kurt had a plan to bring in a counselor today. Maybe he thinks all you dads needs some counseling. What do you think of that? We’re doing some counseling today. I’m so excited to, to get to, to speak to you today as a counselor, but also as a mom. I am a mom of four and we’re in a season where we have a child in every stage of life right now. We’ve got a high schooler, a middle schooler, an elementary schooler, and a toddler at this stage of life. And there’s gonna be a picture of them up here.

Aren’t they adorable? Especially that little 4-year-old Ethan. Okay, let me tell you their names. We’ve got Elizabeth, Elijah, Ezra, and Ethan. Do you notice a theme? Okay, so my background is Egyptian and in the Middle East, one way that you know, if somebody is a Christian or a Muslim is they have a biblical name. So I thought it would be so cool to carry the tradition of a biblical name for each of my kids. And then we started with the e names, and then by the fourth kid, I’m like, I’m running outta good Biblical Eames here. Like, we gotta stop at four because what’s the next one gonna be? Ebenezer. I mean, that’s not gonna work. So that’s why we have four kids. We ran outta good biblical Eames. It is such a joy and privilege to be a mom. And not only that, we’re a homeschooling family.

So now you think I’m even crazier, but we, any other homeschoolers in here? Some of you a Colorado man, <laugh>. It’s exciting. We get to disciple our kids, pour into them, but it is the hardest job you will ever do being a parent and being a mom in particular. And it, it is a job that requires an unbelievable amount of pouring out. And I wanna honor that today because I know that there are so many moms here in the room that have spent a majority of their life pouring out. And maybe you’re not a mom, maybe you’re in ministry, maybe you’re a caregiver, maybe you’re caregiving for your mother. Maybe you’re a nurse or a teacher or a doctor, and you’re in a position of pouring out in some way, shape, or form. If that is you, today’s message is for you because we are talking about caring for our souls and staying filled in order to pour out in all the ways that God has for us. My first question to you, and I’m gonna ask some questions as a counselor, is this, on a scale of zero to 10, zero being I feel completely empty and 10 being I feel fulfilled to the brim, what number would you give yourself? Think about that and hold that number in your mind. On a scale of zero to 10, how full do you feel right now? And then I wanna ask you this question. What fills you up?

I worked with a gentleman recently in the counseling office and I asked him that question and he proceeded to tell me all the things that don’t drain him, but he couldn’t really think of the things that fill him up. So what fills you up? I don’t know if our fueling styles of our car have anything to do with our emotional fueling styles, but let me tell you, my husband and I are very different when it comes to this. John tells a story of when he was in high school, letting his gas tank get to the bare minimum. You know when that light goes off and it tells you you’ve got like 35 mile miles left, he kept pushing it and pushing it and pushing it till it went to literally zero. And he had to coast into the gas station on empty, in neutral. And luckily his car stopped right in front of the filling station. He brags about that. I mean, that makes me panic because I’m the type of person who, the second the fuel gets to a quarter tank mark, it is time to fill up. You know, I’ve been trained that way. Any other quarter tank fillers in the room.

And I don’t know if our fuel feeling style has anything to do with our emotional feeling style, but I do know this, it is God’s will for you to be filled. Ephesians three 17 says, and I pray that you being rooted and established in love may have the power together with all the lord’s holy people to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. And to know this love that surpasses knowledge, why that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God, do you feel filled to the measure of all the fullness of God? I think about in Acts two, when the Holy Spirit came upon the disciples at Pentecost and what does the Bible say happened? They were filled with the spirit. We talk a lot about being filled in the church, but unfortunately, too many of us are feeling empty.

We’re feeling spread too thin, overwhelmed, maxed out. Our plate is too full. We are feeling depleted and burnt out. Over the past few years, especially, I’ve worked with a lot of empty people. I work with everyday people, CEOs, senior pastors, entrepreneurs, and I’ve met so many people who are feeling empty. Here are some signs that you might be empty and nearing burnout, feeling overwhelmed more than usual. Maybe the everyday things that you’re used to doing all of a sudden feel overwhelming. Having a loss of motivation or energy, you just can’t seem to get yourself to do what you need to do. Feeling tired and fatigued, more than usual, even when you wake up in the morning, having a hard time with your energy levels, increased depression or anxiety, feeling alone, even when you’re with people, a negative or cynical outlook on life, you start being a little more jaded, a little more critical, a little more negative of the people around you and even of yourself, feeling apathy, irritability, or anger. Oftentimes, when the tension in our relationships increases tends to be a sign that our emptiness has also increased. Sometimes we feel physical symptoms that we don’t know where they’re coming from, unexplained physical symptoms like a headache or aches and pains that could be actually pointing to our emotional state. In general, most people who are feeling empty report a lack of enjoyment and excitement toward life.

Why is it that so many people struggle to feel empty? Why don’t people naturally know how to keep themselves filled and healthy and cared for? We have to get to the root of our why. I think there’s two reasons why we struggle to fill up. The first one is this our theology. I really believe that most of us have never really learned to care for ourselves. In fact, in church, we’re often taught the opposite. Sometimes we learn to care about everybody else at the neglect of ourselves. You know that passage that says, love your neighbor as you love yourself. We often focus on the love your neighbor part, but we neglect the love as you love yourself part. But in context, this passage was given to the Israelites, the people of God. They knew they were special, they were chosen, they were set apart. And Jesus says to them, out of that love others.

In the same way. I don’t think we grasp our value, our worth because of Jesus. And in fear of being selfish, we tend to do the opposite. We self neglect. But you know, when you’ve self neglected, you’re at the bottom of your barrel. You’ve got nothing left to give anyone. My dad used to tell me that human beings are like a well, and we give out of our water. But when we run out of water because we’re not filling up and we get to the bottom, all that we have left to give is the junk, the mud, and grime at the bottom of the well. And so many of us have never really learned to care for ourselves. We don’t wanna be selfish. So we self neglect and we end up feeling miserable and depleted and empty. And when you are empty, you become the most selfish person because all you can think about in those moments is yourself and how bad you feel. So number one, I think we have some misguided theology. And number two, we have lessons that we’ve learned from our childhood, roles that we’ve lived out of in childhood that we still live out of today.

I have a podcast called Talk to Me where people call in for on air counseling sessions. I mean, I don’t even know who, I just pick up the call and I don’t know what we’re gonna talk about most of the time. And we just have a counseling session and hit record. It’s a fascinating show. Do we have any volunteers? <Laugh>? Oh, all. Okay, meet me in the back. There’s overwhelming amount of volunteers because it takes courage. It takes courage to, to get out there and put yourself out there and talk through some things. And I did a soul care series where I asked people to come on who were feeling empty, men and women of all ages and stages. But three things stood out that they all had in common. The people who struggled to care for themselves the most had three things in common. One of these three things.

For some of them it was all three of these things. So listen, as I go through these and see which ones you might fall into, number one were the firstborns. There was a high level of firstborns who struggled to care for themselves, which is shocking because firstborns are usually the good kids, right? I’m a firstborn, so I can say that. Any other firstborn in the room? Woo. Mm-Hmm <affirmative> We are responsible. We fill in the gaps, we know what needs to be done and we do it, but sometimes so much so at the neglect of ourselves, sometimes we’re so interested in pleasing people and pleasing our parents and pleasing those around us that we do so at the neglect of our own needs. The second group of people were people who came from a family where someone in the family had higher needs than they did.

Maybe there was a child in the family that was really rebellious, you know, always giving mom and dad problems. Maybe there was a mental health issue, an addiction, conflict, chaos, some situation where you look out and you see the needs and you’re like, those needs are way higher. So what do you do with your needs? You stuff your needs. You ignore your needs, you put your needs on the back burner. The third group, or people who came from families were either mom or dad, or both were emotionally unavailable. And what I mean by that is, as a kid, you have these needs and you bring ’em to dad. But maybe dad is an alcoholic, a workaholic, a ministry aholic. So there’s no room for my needs over here, so let me go take my needs to mom. But maybe mom is overwhelmed, checked out, frazzled, stressed out, and so you don’t wanna burden her with your needs.

So what do you do with your needs? You put ’em on the back burner. You ignore your needs. And sometimes the roles that served us in one season of life sabotage us in another season of life because we’re living out of these roles, even in our adult relationships. So our theology and our history can really prevent us from learning how to care for ourselves. I wanna ask you this. What are the false beliefs and lies and hurts that might be leading you to living an empty life? Because if you don’t get to the bottom of your why, you’re going to keep repeating the same patterns over and over again. I’m about to talk you through six rhythms to keep you filled up and healthy. But if you don’t get to the root of your why, you’re gonna have a hard time practicing these rhythms. You can’t fill your bucket when there’s a hole in the bucket.

We have to get to the root of your why. And these are some questions that you have to ask yourself. Why is it so hard for me to stay filled? Now I wanna point to some things we tend to do to try and fill up that don’t actually work. We might do these things because they make us feel good, or they numb us to block what we’re feeling. I feel so stressed, so I’m going to run to the fridge for calories I don’t need. I call sugar the good girls alcohol. Some of you good boys too. Run to the fridge for calories we don’t need. Pick up the target shopping app and spend money that’s not actually in your budget. Binge watch Netflix until three in the morning when we should be sleeping, endless scrolling on our phone instead of being present with those around us.

If you wanna know how empty you are, check out your screen time. The higher the level of screen time, the emptier, you’re probably feeling. What about going down a rabbit trail of random YouTube videos? You know, you just get caught. There was a girl that called into the podcast who was like, I come home from work and I have all these things I need to do, and then I sit on YouTube for four hours and I can’t stop running to unhealthy relationships, sexual sin, pornography, drugs, alcohol, substances to fill needs they were never meant to fill. Trying to distract ourselves from the pain by working more or even doing more ministry. It’s funny, the signals in our body are like, stop, stop, stop. So what do we do? I need to do more, right? I need to work more. Maybe I just need to do more ministry.

Maybe I just need to volunteer more instead of paying attention to the signals that God is sending us. Empty things can’t fill empty people, only Jesus can. And today we’re gonna turn our attention to the life of Christ to see how he filled up the, the book I wrote recently is called Soul Care, and it’s a, it’s a theme that has been a big part of my life. But being able to write this book took me to the gospels to study the life of Jesus and how he modeled soul care. He was so healthy, he was so balanced, but Jesus knew that high levels of pouring out require high levels of filling. Jesus was fully God, yet fully man, and he honored his human capacity. He honored it. How much more do we need to honor our human capacity and our limitations? Instead of believing that we don’t have any limitations until something breaks?

Jesus did six things to fill up. He practiced six rhythms. The first is the rhythm of nourish. Jesus took the time to eat and drink and move. We take this one for granted, but our bodies were made to be fueled with healthy foods. Our bodies were made to be hydrated with water, and our bodies were made to move. You know, when you look through scripture, you see so many passages where Jesus stopped to eat and to feed his disciples, come, I made you breakfast. Or when he stopped in Samaria to get a drink of water. And there he met the woman at the well. Biblical scholars believed that Jesus walked 40,000 steps a day, 40,000 steps. And we know in psychology and science that 20 minutes of brisk walking a day increase your serotonin and dopamine, your feelgood chemicals, almost to the point of an antidepressant.

So think about that effect on his life. And not only that, sometimes we neglect our bodies. We neglect to eat, we neglect to drink. We get to the end of the day, we’re feeling irritable and cranky and tired, mad at everybody around us, overwhelmed. And we’re like, this is spiritual warfare. It might not be a demon. You might just be dehydrated, hydrated. Let’s start there. You know, Jesus practiced the rhythm of nourish. Number two, Jesus practiced the rhythm of rest. The God of the universe modeled to us what it looks like to stop and rest and sleep and recharge. And not only did he model it to us on the seventh day for Sabbath, he modeled it to us in the way that he paced his life. Matthew 4 38 talks about a day of ministry where Jesus climbed on the stern, in the stern of the boat and went to sleep on a cushion.

Jesus took a nap. The God of the universe could have been doing so many different things, but he chose to rest because he knew the limitations of his human body. When we published soul care, my publisher came out with this t-shirt that said, Jesus took naps. Be more like Jesus. How many of us need that reminder? How many of you feel guilty when you stop and rest? The question is, why, why? Why? Where is that narrative coming from? That is fueling these unhealthy rhythms in your life. And this isn’t just about sleep seven to nine hours, even though we know that’s neurologically the best for us. This is about living a life at a restful pace. Jesus wasn’t in a rush running around everywhere. I only got three years, guys, let’s work around the clock. That wasn’t his attitude. He was so deliberate and intentional, and he paced himself.

How different does our life look today? And we wonder why we’re struggling with burnout. Jesus took the time to rest. Number three, Jesus took the time to connect. He made time for life, giving relationships. He surrounded himself with disciples and friends and a solid community. John 13 23, 1 of my favorite scenes when Jesus is having dinner and he reclines his head on the disciple whom he loved, Jesus not only gave to his friends, but he asked from his friends, he gave, and he received. So many of us in the church are really good at giving, giving, giving, giving all my relationships. I’m pouring out, pouring out, pouring out. But I never receive. I never ask. Asking takes vulnerability, but it leads to intimacy. Jesus expected of his friends, he asked of them, will you go prepare the Passover for me? Will you go get the donkey ready in the next town?

Will you stay up with me and pray? And when his friend decided to stop and wash his feet, anoint his feet with oil, he didn’t say, no, no, no, no, no. Don’t, don’t. Don’t worry about that. He received from his friends. Are you engaging in life giving relationships? When you look at the closest people in your life, are you able to give and receive in relationship? Or are you constantly and only pouring out? Number four, Jesus practiced the rhythm of protect. He set important boundaries, and he protected his relationship with the Father. Jesus was so good at saying no, and not yet. My time has not yet come. There was one story where the disciples said, Jesus, that they want you back in that town. Can we go back to that town? And Jesus said, no, I’m going to this town. He was not influenced by the obligation of man, because he was so in tune to the calling of God on his life.

So many of us are spread too thin because we say yes to everything. Everything. We don’t know how to say no. But then your calling gets diluted because your energy gets diluted instead of focusing on exactly what God has called me to do. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. You’ve gotta check with God. You’ve gotta check with the Holy Spirit, because he might say, actually, I wanted him to do that. Not you. Actually, I wanted her to volunteer in kids’ church, not you. Actually, I wanted somebody else to do that job. And you’re enabling them not to do it. So don’t be focused on the obligations. Be focused on the calling. Be in tune to the spirit of God so that you can easily say no and not yet, and focus on what God has called you to do. Not only was Jesus good at saying no, and not yet, he was really good at getting away.

Protecting his time with the Father was his priority. The disciples never knew where he was. When you look at the gospels, they’re always like, where did Jesus go? Where’s Jesus? They were looking for Jesus because Luke five 16 says that He often withdrew to lonely places. Often this was routine, the Garden of Gethsemane. That was not the first time Jesus visited that garden. He visited it often to pray. He protected his time with the Father. Nobody was gonna get in the way of that. Nobody, because he knew that high levels of pouring out require high levels of filling. And the only way that he could do all that God had called him to do was to prioritize sitting under the living water, the only one that could truly fill him up. What does that look like for me and you? Are we expecting ourselves to do great things with limited resources, with limited power, with limited presence, because we’re not protecting our time with the Father, with our whole lives?

Jesus practiced the rhythm of protect. Number five, Jesus practiced the rhythm of savor. I think this was my favorite one to write. And I felt like the Lord was speaking directly to me because I’m a doer. I like to get things done. I love a good checklist. I love when someone asks me, what’s next? Oh, I’ll give you a list of what’s next. And I felt the Lord say to me, I want you to focus on what’s now, what’s now what is in front of you today? Jesus took the time to savor and enjoy the life that he had been given. He treasured it, he cherished it. He celebrated. He was present here. And now we are so distracted. You are probably even distracted right now.

Are you with me? Because this is the only moment that’s guaranteed here. And now we’re so distracted by the worries of tomorrow, the regrets from the past, the phone in our pockets. Our children are living in a generation where they’re competing with our screens. It’s not even a real human that’s taking our attention. We’re not savoring life. We’re sleeping through it, completely unaware of what’s going on around us. But Jesus wants us to be here and now to enjoy what’s in front of us. You know, I’ve read the gospel so many times, but in writing soul care, Matthew 13 verse one stuck out to me as if it was the first time I’d ever read it. And it says, Jesus left the house, the busy house and went and sat by the lake. He went and sat by the lake to be present with God, to be still and know how many moments like that do you have in your life where you can just savor the life that God has given you?

And you might say to me, well, Deborah, I’m in a season of suffering right now. All the more reason that you need to practice savor. Savor is what gets us through suffering. Seeing God here and now, the great I am who is present right here and right now, I think about Jesus at the Last Supper and how present he was with his disciples. If I knew tomorrow I was gonna die the way that Jesus died, you know, I would not be going out to dinner the night before anybody else with me, the last Supper. He was present right there with them as he broke the bread and took the cup and washed their feet. He didn’t let the worries of tomorrow rob him of the joy of the moment and all the more reason we need to savor when we’re walking through a heart Season.

Number six, Jesus tuned in. He was aware of his underlying feelings and thoughts. You know, humans are kind of like a volcano. All of these emotions and pressure and stresses building underneath the surface. We have all of these different emotions. And if we’re not careful, they will explode onto the surface of our life in an unexpected way. But Jesus was constantly checking in to see how he was feeling and what was going on underneath the surface of his life. You know, Jesus was emotional. Biblical scholars have identified 39 different emotions that Jesus felt and expressed through scripture alone. Jesus felt joy. John 15 says, I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy will be complete. Jesus felt sorrow as he approached Jerusalem and saw the city. He wept over it. And then he wept over the death of his friend Lazarus.

Jesus felt exhaustion. John four six says, he was weary with his journey. Jesus felt anger in the temple as as he flipped the tables and felt like they’re not worshiping me in the right way. There’s, there’s injustice happening here. He felt all of the feelings. And he didn’t ignore his feelings. He responded to his feelings because it’s not the emotion that’s bad or good. Emotions are our built-in SOS system. SOS pay attention, anxiety, depression, overwhelm, anger, fear, pay attention to what you are feeling and respond to it in a healthy way. Respond to it in a way that draws you closer to the Father. Respond to it in a way that draws you closer to others. Jesus always responded to his emotions in healthy ways.

As we’re closing today, I want you to think of all of the rhythms and ask yourself this, where do I need to start? Which one of these do I need to start with? I don’t want you to get overwhelmed and start with all of them. I don’t want you to burn out, trying not to burn out. Let’s just put it that way. But I want the Lord to bring to your attention the one area that he’s saying, I want you to do this better. I believe in you. I want you to live filled so that you can pour out in all of the ways that I have called you to pour out. And sometimes the Lord fills this instantaneous instantaneously in a supernatural moment. But most of the time he says, I want you to partner with me. Walk with me on this journey of filling up. I wanna pray for two groups of people today. First, I wanna pray for the moms. If you’re a mom, I want you to stand up. ’cause Lord knows we need to be filled. Lord knows we need to be filled. And then I wanna also bring my attention to those of you who might have lost a child, whether it through a miscarriage or something else.

I’m getting emotional because I’ve been there. And sometimes grief will suck. The life outta you, will drain you like nothing else can. You know? And so if you’re walking in a season of grief, Lord knows you need to be filled more than anybody. So I just wanna say a prayer for you. And then I’m gonna invite the dads in the room, the the grandmas in the room, the others in the room who are feeling that they need to be filled to go ahead and stand up as well. Join us. If you are feeling empty in some way, shape or form, and in need of a touch of God, this is for you because he wants to fill us up. It is his desire that we walk in the fullness of God.

So let’s pray. Jesus, I thank you for each and every person in this room. God, you know where we’re at, you know our level of emptiness and you know all the ways that we pour out. And God, first and foremost, I pray for supernatural touch right now for anyone in this room that is feeling empty, for anyone in this room, that is feeling burdened for anyone in this room that might be feeling the grief and the burden of suffering right now, God, I ask that you would fill us up like only you can. And God, I pray that you would reveal to us what we need to heal in our lives in order for us to stay filled. I pray that you would reveal to us the rhythm that you want us to begin to practice so that we could walk in your footsteps and stay filled, that we could be filled up in order to pour out in all of the ways that you have for us. We thank you, God, that it is your will for us to be filled. In Jesus’ name, amen. Amen. God bless you.